How to Handle 8 Energy Drains in Communication
Examples of hidden ways people drain one other’s energy in social interaction—and what to do about it
When we talk about energy drains in our conversations, we all think of the so-called negative people — friends, colleagues and relatives who constantly complain about things and are never happy about whatever in their lives.
However, there are many other, more subtle, ways in which our energy gets depleted in daily interaction.
I will be enumerating these, offering advice on how to deal with each.
1. When friends and colleagues speak at length about third persons’ life stories, achievements and struggles— all unasked, part of your energy may leak.
The reason for this is straightforward — the interaction of two people by its nature concerns these two people specifically and their explicit communication objectives. Gossiping about third parties is not constructive and does not contribute to the relationship at hand.
This is also the reason why I recommend limiting daily social media intake. I personally resort to no more than 10 to 15 minutes daily, with minimal exposure to posts showing off the achievements, purchases, holidays, etc. of insignificant others.
2. Getting videos, shorts and jokes personal messages from friends and such that you haven’t expressed an interest in, drains your energy.
People often send us well-meaning funny or informative videos. In many cases, the latter are not explicitly linked to us, with a call to action or with an explanation for why we are being included. As such, they carry the potential to deplete us of some portion of our energy.
At least they will definitely deplete us of our time as we are forced to work through them anyway, being sent by friends we simply can’t ignore. Therefore you may need to tell your friends that you have no time or interest in such communication or consider blocking them on that communication channel if they persist.
3. Your conversation partner abruptly changes the subject without any transition whatsoever.
The purpose of this may, or may not, be manipulative in nature. All instances of conversational incoherence, however, risk being energy draining as they expect the other to abruptly change their flow of thought. You may directly ask the person what they mean by such an abrupt change so that you are also in the know of the communicational objective at hand.
4. People being too long-winded about a story, book or film, esp. one that you show no apparent interest in.
Most of the time in such cases people are simply not clear on what they are trying to convey to you in the first place. Therefore, they end up being overly wordy. Not knowing what you aim to express in communication is always an issue in mutual interaction. However, it is helpful to know that such communication is taxing the other person’s energy so that both parties can accommodate their utterance and expectation accordingly.
5. Another common energy drain in social interaction is the expectation for one party only (of the two) to keep the conversation flowing.
When in dialogues one person’s energy and motivation is low, the other one is expected to keep the conversation alive and prop it up.
However, if you find yourself in communication situations where you are always the one expected to be fun and entertaining, that will ultimately drain your energy. You need to either change your attitude and role in this interaction, or reduce the time you spend with that person.
6. People asking your opinion on a sensitive issue all of a sudden and without any context.
Especially relevant are issues concerning politics, current affairs, yours or their financial status, etc. Note that the person you talk with often doesn’t state their own position upfront, but enquires about yours first.
Certainly people may ask you for your opinion if you are a recognized expert in the respected field. The same holds true for interviews you take part in as an expert. However, anything else will be energy draining, as sudden shifts with no context to base your transition on, take substantial mental energy to process.
Moreover, what opinions and convictions you have formed in your mind are entirely yours. When someone tries to grab these without prior request or mutual consent, you lose energy as in fact you are unwillingly leaking all the valuable life experience you’ve gained. It is your piece (and peace!) of mind, conclusions and beliefs that consume the greatest amount of your personal energy, since these are what you practically invest your life in.
Therefore, if (remote) strangers pounce directly on you with the desire to know your opinion on a certain subject, esp. one that is sensitive, be vigilant.
7. You are being preached to by a cause, religion, political party or the like, without any context.
When people are trying to convert you to their religion, political or spiritual beliefs, multi-level/another type of marketing or even to a seemingly benevolent cause, without prior indication of an interest in the latter on your part, such conversation will definitely deplete you of some of your energy.
These conversion attempts are taxing because virtually anything in our interactions that is not two-way and consciously agreed upon as the relationship progresses, disregards your personal choice and turns you into a people-pleaser. Overly focusing on others to the detriment of yourself always drains your energy in the end.
Certainly, religious or spiritual conversions may be beneficial and life-changing for a lot of people. However, for those to be energy-sustainable in the long run, both parties need to make sure — in time — that their relationship is two-sided and that the opinions and beliefs of each are equally welcome and respected.
8. Receiving newsletters and marketing content that you haven’t subscribed to is a steady drain on your time and energy.
This is self-explanatory but newsletters work best when people willingly subscribe to them. All other cases are energy-depleting for the person at the receiving end.
This is why I strongly recommend that one’s close friends and relatives be directly asked for their explicit consent before they are put on your newsletter. Unless you do, you risk them being annoyed by your interference in their daily affairs and thus being turned off by content that actually might turn useful for them.
Again, the highest priority here being respect for everybody’s boundaries and thence their energy reservoirs.
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I have chosen to talk about energy drains rather than time drains because oftentimes what eats us of a seemingly tiny peck of our time may in fact rob us of way more substantial amounts of our energy.
Moreover, we all get the same amount of time, since we each receive 24 hours in a day.
Not so with energy and other resources, however. Everybody is born with a different energy set. This explains why one needs to be especially careful about the ways in which one cares for and expends their energy. An intelligent way to manage — that is, to spend — our time is to consider how and where we choose to invest our available energy.